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“Jockeys” Photo Recap – Got 19 Losers But a Bird Ain’t One

The season finale of Animal Planet’s Jockeys followed Joe Talamo, Garrett Gomez, Mike Smith, and Chantal Sutherland to Louisville for the Kentucky Derby.  Here’s the recap:

Talamo, Gomez, and Smith all have Derby mounts; Sutherland on the other hand, is trying to land a ride on long shot Mine That Bird.

As to be expected by now, when everyone headed to Louisville, KY, Jockeys showed a plane landing at LAX instead.  How can you tell?  Well, there’s an In-N-Out Burger right near the runway and it looks like the video was shot from its parking lot.  Yes, I happen to really like In-N-Out Burger and apparently so does the Jockeys production crew.

Chantal thinks she’s got a shot at riding Mine That Bird because she rode him in the Breeder’s Cup Juvenille.  Only problem is she finished last, though you would never know it from Trevor Denman’s race call, “. . . and Chantal Sutherland finishes a decent sixth.”  Whoa there Trevor, what race was that?  It sure as hell wasn’t the Breeder’s Cup because Mine That Bird finished 12th; in a 12-horse field.

In Louisville, Chantal meets with Jockey Guild Manager Darrell Haire to discuss her Derby prospects.  Haire told her, “Once you’ve won the Kentucky Derby you’re made.”  Oh yeah?  Tell that to Stewart Elliott.

We then focus our attention on Garrett Gomez, who rides Pioneer of the Nile for Bob Baffert.  Gomez is arguably North America’s most talented jockey.  He’s also managed to overcome serious drug and alcohol addiction that threatened to derail his promising career.

Gomez considers Pioneer of the Nile his first real chance at a Derby Win.  The always-cool Baffert is also confident; so confident that he spends time making wise cracks about Joe Talamo.

Which brings us to our favorite rider: “Little Joe” Talamo.  Actually, Aaron Gryder is our favorite jockey, but he couldn’t land a Derby mount, so he’s stuck in CA watching the Derby on TV.  Heck, I’m stuck in VA watching Joe Talamo on TV.   At least Gryder’s got an In-N-Out Burger nearby.

Little Joe is staying in a mansion that I Want Revenge’s owner, David Lanzman, rented for the week.  Lanzman has a book of Derby folklore and reads Little Joe some convoluted story about how Eddie Arcaro rented the same house he’s staying in 1938 when he won his first Derby.  Kids in the neighborhood gave Arcaro a four leaf clover which he placed under his saddle for good luck.  I’m not sure if I got that story right, I kinda zoned out half-way through because I was trying to figure out how a guy this nutty could own a Derby horse.

After hearing the fable, Little Joe about jumped out of his shoes to go outside and pick a shitload of clovers.  Lanzman stopped him before he got too far because he already had a special clover.

Could this be the very same clover from 1938 kept well preserved and hidden all this time?  Immediately I thought of Captain Koons in Pulp Fiction.  Remember the watch his buddy gave to him in the Hanoi POW camp for safekeeping?  Needless to say, I was concerned about where that clover was stashed all this time.

It turned out to be a fresh clover from the neighborhood.  Oh well, Little Joe was simply adorable as he searched out a safe place for the clover. Reminded me of a kid on an Easter egg hunt.

While Little Joe played hide the clover, Chantal and Mike Smith discussed their Derby chances over dinner.  Mike was excited about Chocolate Candy.  Why?  Well, if you’ve won on Giacomo you’d probably think anything is possible.

Chantal believes she’s got Mine That Bird locked up.  Mike seemed just a little too excited about the thought of Chantal getting a Derby mount.

The next day Chantal was shocked to learn Calvin Borel would ride Mine That Bird.  Chantal thought Dr. Block, Mine That Bird’s owner, lied to her about her about the mount.

Mine That Bird’s trainer, Chip Woolley, probably wanted Borel to ride all along and Chantal was plan B, at best.  She was left dangling so just in case Borel declined.

Next up, the Derby post position draw.  You’d think this is a boring event and you’d be right, but apparently there’s strategy involved.  According to world renown starting gate strategist “Jimmy the Hat,” trainers prefer the middle gate positions instead of the far inside or far outside.  Sounds confusing Jimmy, you wanna run that by me again?

Churchill Downs uses a little wooden pill bottle to draw numbers for each Derby entrant to select their post.  The pill bottle must have historical significance otherwise you’d think they’d just use a bingo roller.

Chocolate Candy’s trainer, Jerry Hollendorfer, contemplated the post selection like he was in a chess match against Bobby Fischer.  I couldn’t believe how long it took this guy to make a decision.  Mike Smith told him #8 was okay, but whatever you do, don’t pick post #11 because it’s first to load and Chocolate Candy would be stuck in there waiting for all the other horses.  Adhering to a time-honored tradition of trainers ignoring advice from jockeys, he selected position 11 anyway.

After Hollendorfer made his decision, he promptly got reamed by an unknown caller on his cell phone.  I thought it might be Jimmy the Hat.  Whoever it was, after handing Hollendorfer a rash of shit, he hung up on him for good measure.

After the Chocolate Candy debacle, the rest of the post draw moved quickly.  Bob Baffert, in stark contrast to Hollendorfer, leapt from his chair as if shot from a cannon when his number was called and selected #16 for Pioneer of the Nile.

As the post positions were drawn Little Joe had a hard time following the proceedings. 

When I Want Revenge’s number was called, Lanzman picked #13.  Afterward, when a reporter asked Talamo if he was superstitious he replied “not really.”  If only the reporter had witnessed that nonsense with the four leaf clover.

Once posts were drawn, line maker Mike Battaglia named I Want Revenge the favorite at 3-1.  Pioneer of the Nile and Dunkirk were both 4-1, and Chocolate Candy was, well, who cares.

Unfortunately, the morning of the Derby, I Want Revenge was scratched due to tenderness in his ankle. When the “judge” called down to the jocks room to announce the scratch, I could have sworn I saw Jerry Bailey standing there.  Isn’t he retired?

After I Want Revenge was scratched, everyone felt bad for Little Joe.  It was nice to see Calvin Borel go over and offer some words of encouragement.  Interestingly, Jockeys subtitled Calvin’s comments. Come to think of it, he is kinda hard to understand.

Mike Smith also felt sorry for Little Joe.  But not too sorry, he was also delighted the favorite was out.

Side note: recent reports indicate I Want Revenge wasn’t in great shape before the Derby anyway and now Lanzman and his IEAH co-owners are suing one another (see NYT article).  Go figure . . .

After the bad news is out of the way, the episode hits its stride in the minutes before the Derby.  Gomez leads the jockeys out to the paddock and he means business.

Before the race, random people in the the crowd are asked which horses they like.

Only thing missing was Richard Dreyfuss following behind to strike a line through each horses’ name in the program.  Seriously, on Derby day this is the best they could come up with?

Finally, we get to the race.  We all know what happened, but seeing Mine That Bird’s fantastic rally along the rail never gets old.

Chantal’s reaction after Mine That Bird won was equally priceless.  Her shock eventually turned to disbelief.

Fellow jockey Emma Wilson didn’t refute Chantal’s claim that she could have won the Derby, but she must have been thinking; “Really? You don’t think Calvin’s daredevil move along the rail had just a little bit to do with it, eh?”

The episode ended with Chantal and Mike Smith commiserating on the phone.

At the end of the episode we learn that the romance of the century between Mike and Chantal is over.  Maybe it had something to do with Smith riding Mine That Bird in the Preakness instead of Chantal.  Who knows, who cares?

The narrator’s quote at the beginning of the episode was: “Our lives can be defined by the size of our dreams.”  Well, if dreams won Derbies, then Chantal would’ve had it wrapped up long ago.

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